By Not Known
A marriage enrichment programme typically emphasises the importance of a healthy sexual relation within a marriage. Essentially, it is deemed capable of rejuvenating intimacy and rekindling love and communication. While there are some true benefits, it may unduly portray ‘sex’ as key to a healthy marriage.
The apostle Paul takes a certain view towards sex in 1 Corinthians 7. Just as marriage and singlehood are both gifts of God (v7), sex is to be located within the gift of marriage. In other words, sex outside of marriage is a sin – sexual immorality (v1). The root to extra-marital as well as pre-marital sex is the lack of self-control (v5). Therefore, sex in and of itself is neither good nor bad. If it is pursued outside of wedlock, it is sinful however in love the couple is. If it is pursued or denied within a marriage without respect for one’s spouse, it displeases God. Sex pursued or delayed within a marriage out of a mutual submission to God’s purposes is holy (vv2-5). Let’s look a little deeper.
Marriage is a gift, a union of one man with one woman. In a promiscuous culture of Paul’s days and of ours also, having multiple sexual partners in a “casual friendship” environment where meeting personal pleasure is an all-consuming passion, marriage is unfashionable. It spells the end of personal freedom. Paul teaches otherwise. Marital commitment is true freedom – freedom to express sexual passion; freedom to expel sexual immorality.
Marriage is not about sex, it is about serving your spouse. Honouring God with our bodies involves submitting it to his intended purposes within a marriage as well. In marriage where two become one flesh, Paul teaches that husband and wife are co-owners of each other’s bodies. It necessarily implies the need to care for, honour and serve each other’s needs. Sexual desire is just one of the many needs – physical, emotional, and spiritual. In fact, Paul teaches that a delay in meeting one’s sexual need with mutual consent in order to seek God is also a spiritual act of worship.
Marriage is about controlling the passion, not unleashing it. Paul believes that it is good to remain unmarried in their present situations, but for those who struggle with presumably their sexual desires, they should marry. The purposes of marriage then are to tame that passion and to guard against sexual temptations. This is an important posture towards the conduct of sexual relation in a marriage.
Marriage is not about sex. It is about learning to respect one’s spouse under God by meeting each other’s need and also in helping to pacify each other’s passion.
Benson Goh